异地生活（思乡）

整体来说，自己一个人在国外也算是生活了两年，分别错过了三个农历新年（其中之一是即将到来的）。有所谓的homesick吗？理智性地回答：没有。也许自己心里最清楚，无论如何我还是得一个人在异乡生活，homesick 也没用，所以独立了，强迫自己适应了。也可能潜意识里不去想了……

在澳洲，人人看重的是工作经验，所以大部分的人读完学士文凭以后都不继续念了。再加上developed country （谷歌翻译‘发达国家’）的父母鼓励孩子高中以后自己养活自己，自己选择科系，这两种现象是和大马的背道而驰。因此自己念硕士文凭时，遇着的都是亚洲人。再者，自己念的又是商科主修会计，95%来求学都是来自中国。这样的现象，重重地粉碎了自己想象中到国外求学的情景。自己也算是较为不幸，到了在大马不怎么出名的大学，也遇不了相同遭遇的同志，没能结伴，有些可惜……回头想，喜欢‘实验性’地下厨是不在外用餐的原因之一，省钱是原因之二，也有可能是不想为每次外出时都得找伴这事而伤脑筋。

独自一个人来求学的生活更显得寂寞。也问过不少一个人定居在这里的大马年轻人“一个人在这里不想家吗？”“都习惯了”。起初我还体会不到那所谓的“习惯”，觉得要“习惯”这孤寂真的让我浑身不自在。结果在没能回家的这一年里，自己终于明白那“习惯”的感觉。说不出的悲哀，淡淡的、涩涩的，为了明天继续过活，不断地在寻找寄托。否则那一丝丝的苦涩沁入心扉，像有细缝的气球，精力就缓缓地被外压汲取。

在家至少可以和老妈作伴。闲来喝喝下午茶、天花乱坠地瞎闹一场、在花园里散步，甚至静静地感受家人的存在。每逢过年过节，家人自然都会回乡探访长辈，团聚了分散在各地的亲戚。有时想起同年的朋友在职场上已打拼了两年，升职的升职、恋爱的恋爱、结婚的结婚。反之自己刚毕业，为了寻工而准备再虚度一年。在起跑点上，慢了别人三年，前途会是怎样的一片情景？

在外地求生，并非想象中的简单。许多事物总得自己经历了以后才发现“待遇”这回事，从来不曾公平过。处于这种劣势的地位，往往都会忆起自己土生土长的家，即使那‘大’的家不比澳洲来得先进发达。

#91 Appreciation: Confidence

Confidence and trust are inseparable. When people have faith and trust me, it will boost up my confidence in being who I am today. Confidence is a part of me that still need to be improved. I cant help but keep thinking the hurtful past that made me collapse and confidence is the thing that I am slowly recovering.

I admire people who can ignore the society perception, because they trust their capability. Not that I dont believe in myself, is just that at times, I will have self-doubt and start thinking all those energy-consuming thoughts. Is good to reflect during the doubting process, it needs to be limited so that one wont over-thinking it.

When one has the confidence, he or she will portray a better image leading to more trust being laid on them. Is a whole cycle thing, and I shall think less and BELIEVE in myself just like my friends have in me. ^^

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#90 Appreciation: Fears

I hate fear, and I really do. I dislike the fact that because of fear I dont get to achieve what I want in mind.

A quote from TinyBuddha.com, one of things to be grateful in life is fear, because:

So you know your opportunities for growth

I agree to it, and why is it so is because we should view it from a more positive sense that fears can be an indication on what one is lacking in. We might not be a perfect being in life, but one thing for sure, when we can overcome the fears we had, we will experience additional joyful moment and improve who we are today.

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#88 Appreciation: Teachers

Teachers, especially those who deals with juniors and adolescence, are those equipped with strong mind and enormous amount of patience. They are the one who add on value to the patch we chosen and to guide us through with their knowledge and expertise. I never thought that teachers can have such impact on one's life, until I reflect and discover that who I am today is a result of my teachers faith in me.

When I was the class monitor, I was strict about the rules and always written down the name of the students who chat. I was so strict and “heartless” that portion of my classmates dislike me and complain to the homeroom teacher about it. Yet, my homeroom teacher back me up saying that "She is the class monitor, and she has the duty to make sure the class in quiet when teachers are not around. If everyone is whispering, the accumulated whisper will then become noise.". This incident made me has the strong feeling to carry out my duty in order, despite that people may dislike what I am doing. (Well, we cant please everyone in life dont we?)

Another incident is when my language teacher acknowledged my creativity via my indifferent style of writing during an essay writing competition. Because of her, I have more confidence in my creative writings and believe that I could express my view although it will be indifferent from the rest (and being against by the judging panel.)

There is always negative incidents after the positive ones - including politics and favouritism. Yet I believe due to these "lessons" and faith instil in me, I have became who I am today, a better person today.

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#73 Appreciation: Kindness

There is a Cantonese saying "It's kind to help, but it's also reasonable not to". This statement pinpoint that one should not take anyone for granted just because he or she "suppose to" do so. There is also a need to consider the context as well as the culture and the upbringing of oneself and the other party.

This thought train me to be independent and not to expect help from others. It might sound pathetic but looking from another perspective, it magnify one's help when they offer and I will be much grateful on what's happening and in return doing something good for the next person.

One of the simple things that touches my heart recently. I have a large package with reasonable weight that I have to retrieve from A location which take about 40 mins public transport ride from my place. After retrieving the package, I have to head to B location for a formal networking dinner. I am expecting and prepared to carry that package by myself with heels from A to B. At location A, I met with members from the same society and I kiddingly asked him a favour to help me to carry that package back. After trying to lift the package, he is fine to help me with that since he is not going to Location B (Btw, he carried the package by public transport as well.). This is an unexpected help that I am offered, and I really really appreciate his kindness in doing so as it meant quite a lot for me. At least I wont be carrying 3 bags (which I originally have with me), in a suit and heels with extra large package.

A kind offer doesn't occurs often, so never take anything for granted and thought that anyone suppose to do anything for someone.

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#71 Appreciation: Childhood

I love my childhood! I really do.

This show that I am a lucky girl who shared a normal childhood like most of the kids. I have experience those silly moments, those proud moments, those crazy moments which I wont be doing or I wont be able to do in my current state.

I reminisce those days... When I dance to the rhythm in public, people will praise my boldness rather than giving me a weird stare (Of course, that time I was 4 and who on earth will laugh at a chubby girl dancing to the music). When I secretly eat the cheese slice in the fridge and left traces and stains on my mouth, yet strongly said I didnt have any when being caught by my mum (giggles). When my cousin and I were so bored that we start wearing our mum's accessories and start posing and taking photos.

Looking at the photos and hearing again and again from my mum on how mischevious I was, just cheer my day. I might be wonder on and off that how different my life can be or how excititing my life will be if I am a child star or a rich kiddo.. but still, I am thankful for what I grown up with and the memories will be part of me forever .

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#69 Appreciation: Taste

Before enjoying the Food, I cant imagine that I have not realized the importance of taste prior to the food.

As per Smell, the ability of my precious taste buds (especially I loveeeee eating) to taste different flavour from different cuisine and delicacies is definitely life enhancer, where it just add lots of variety and spices in life as a human being.

To exhibit the importance of it, imagine what happens without the ability to taste, besides sight, smell, hearing and touch  The misery should be able to explain why we should be thankful for such capability.

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#68 Appreciation: Touch

Touch is stimulating! It awakens your feeling towards an object and longings. Simple thing like soft toys make you want to hug them and mom's chapped and calloused finger make me realized that how much effort she had done to reaise us and to take care of the family.

We simply need to be grateful of touch as per the other senses including  sight, smell, hearing and taste, despite that such sense make you hurt more when you fall and injured...

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#67 Appreciation: Hearing

Similar to Sight post, I should mentioned about our gifted ability to hear prior to Music and Oldies.

Without the hearing ability, the communication chain is incomplete (prior to learning of sign language and lip reading). To me, hearing is as great as the ability to see, followed by sight, taste, touch, and smell. Given such gifted talent of hearing, it makes me reflect that I shall continuously improve my listening skills especially when people comment, provide feedback and even criticise for the shake of improvement in life. Not to forget, always be confident to accept praise and compliment, as we do deserve what we have contribute, is a simple way to cheer my day and boost my confidence.

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#66 Appreciation: (Able to) Smell

If I must arrange the order on the importance of the 5 senses, my first thought will be the least for smell as compare the rest like sight, hearing, taste and touch.

To me, the ability to smell is an enhancer of our life. It excites us when we smell great food, and there is certain degree of seduction (?), it allows us to distinguish whether the condition (physical, environment or even food) is bad or good. It exist for a reason and often such ability present for good. Never take smell for granted, as our life could be much duller without the spice as part of our senses.

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#65 Appreciation: Sight

Should think of this prior to Colours, which is sight, our ability to look, watch, see the world.
"Eyes are the windows to one soul", yet without sight, even the windows dont open.

Hellen Keller is indescribable person, given her spirit to continue to live with disability.

I guess there are nothing much to say about why should I appreciate sight, as well as the following senses smell, hearing, taste and touch. Is just something to be grateful about, being able to see the world with colours (both objects and human) and indulge in the beauty of the mother nature.

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#53 Appreciation: Memories

Happy, sad, frustration, anger, rage, love, delight, cheerful, disappointment, joy... I might not remember all that I had experienced but certain part of me definitely have 'recorded' the process and hide it somewhere subconsciously, waiting for it to be rediscover.

I am amaze with how brain works and the things we remember. Tons of it without us noticing. It soothes me with all the happiness encounters when I was down, and of course there is also pains that I reluctant to recall. Regardless how bad or good our experience is, what we faced made us what a unique person we are today... The brain and the memory are a virtual recorder and tape, which is also a virtual player that allows you to replay before the end...

While you still can remember and capacity, do create and collect all the memories that you had, reminisce and cherish the moments...

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#47 Appreciation: Ups

Life is fill with ups and downs...(Part 2)

The ups in life is all about happiness, cheerfulness, success, achievements, delight surprise and all the positive vibe! But be reminded that there are they not to make one arrogant, to think as if one is better than the rest. Rather they exist to let us reflect and be thoughtful, be grateful and appreciate what we have today. It could be a paid off effort, or a call from your besties, a surprise birthday, a celebration, and even a simple thing of having my own set of lego...

Be content with what I achieved as long as I have given my best. :))))

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#46 Appreciation: Downs

Life is fill with ups and downs...

No matter how painful, regretful, hurtful, bitter, sad the downs are (in my life), they are there with a purpose... To amplify the sweetness that we going to harvest in future. :)

From another view, disappointments made you/me realized what you treasure the most, and will definitely make you/me treasure it from this point, and be a better self :)

Cheer up my dear self!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#44 Appreciation: Nag

When anyone nags... ARGH~~

All the message has been repeatedly mentioned over and over and over again!

I know, is irritating! Especially when one overly nag, or when you are not in the mood or when you are impatient... Like my mum, who always remind me to sleep early, have proper meals, to return home early yada yada yada.

Come to think of it, this might be someone's character, but most of the time, people nag because they care and they concern about you. They worried if you forgotten something or being in an unpleasant situation, hence the keep reminding you. When is from parents, you know that they care, when is from colleagues or team mates, you know that they concern about the outcome of what you have done. So even though I always hear the same thing from the same person (with the possibility of being annoyed by them), still, is good to know that they care. Imagine one day none of the people bother to know what you are doing and ignore your situation... Is pretty sad (to feel abandon) XD

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#42 Appreciation: Trust

Trust is something cant be value in monetary terms, especially those who trusted each other yet not taking it for granted.

Trust is about having faith in someone, relying and believing that the person can be count on, and giving wholeheartedly that he or she will be there to back you up. Trust is about giving out your heart, hope, energy to someone. Due to this TRUST that comes from the bottom of the heart, that's the reason why betrayal hurts.

Thank you for those who have faith in me, entrusted me and supported me throughout my life journey. I sincerely hope that I have live up to expectation, as a family member, friend, colleague and as a citizen =)

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#40 Appreciation: Travel

When there is a chance and capacity to travel, I will definitely be there, regardless how big or how far the place will be, domestic or internationally.

Travelling is the time where I not only able to discover how massive this world is, and it is also be a self-discovering journey, where I realize that I am such a fortunate person and I am able to find the strength to empower myself to do more. I regard this as the mystery of travelling. I can feel the aura and it motivates me to go beyond, to break through! And I need to do it before the invisible push disappear. My guess to why this happens is because I am out of my daily routine, and travelling is the time to explore, and to absorb something new, no matter how frequent the you have been the place (Not that often until such travelling is part of your daily chores).

To be able to travel seems a minor thing. One could just pay the travel agent and let them have everything sorted out. But I think the effort of making this effort (to research, to book, to decide the destination) is something one should applause. Then, the time where one is experiencing the journey will be the fun time that filled with amusement! The last bit of the journey is about self-reflection, making decision after discovering the differences... also, the sweet unique memory that you and only you have engraved in your life.

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#18 Appreciation: Sincerity

Have you met someone that treat you more than you have expected to? To those who did more than what you expected, that touches your heart (eg: without specific intention or purpose, and it is also depending on the relationship), I would regard them as a person who sincerely concern about you and view your relationship seriously. It doesnt mean that those dont do more doesnt appreciate your presence, but rather, those who did more, made you value this relationship much more.

For instance, when I am in a foreign land, although I am sort of familiar with the transport system, I am still new given that I only been there for about few months. After the meet up in the city, it was quite late and everyone was tired. Due to the transport network, I will be taking bus back alone whereas the rest will be taking train since it is faster, more comfortable and more convenience. However, this friend that I met few months back was worried about me and volunteered to accompany me back via bus. She forgo the comfortable mode of transport and decide to go on a bumpy journey with me, despite that I told her I will be OK if I head back alone. 

If you ask me to list more examples of what she had done for me, honestly, I cant recall, because subconsciously, I remembered she treats me much more than I had hope for and I will just do the same regardless of frequency. In this term, this is a sincere friendship, but is not limit to that. Even a financial planner, who valued his or her customer, will willingly follow up the portfolio and provide professional advice rather than feeling forceful when doing it as they are acting out of responsibility.

I might not be actively doing the extra miles to everyone that I know, but for those those who treat me beyond one should have done, I often do the same if not more towards them. Because I realized that 

once one treat me more than I have expected, I will do the same or even more to him/her. As per the Chinese old saying "滴水之恩，当涌泉相报"。(Direct translate: A drop of water shall be returned with a burst of spring; Meaning: Even if it was just a little help from others, one shall return the favour with all you can when others are in need). There is no rules that require us to treat other wholeheartedly although we suppose to. Yet given these days with rapid growth of network, commitments that people have and the fast-paced environment, it is hard (not impossible) to have people that value the time spent for you.

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#11 Appreciation: Mom

How can I miss out my mum after my dad post?

Here it goes...

My mother came from a poor family background, yet she is the only child among the 7 kids, who worked all her way through to the city and start her life even though it was tough back in the early 80's. She was outgoing, daring, take action/implementer, hard-working, learner, independent, just...

My mother sacrificed her careers for the me and my brother. She took care of us, she prepared lunch box for us, she drove us to school and has became a full time housewife ever since. Now, both of us have grown up, and she has not been engaging to the work force for nearly 14 years. Due to such long absence, she is now not who she used to be. She become worries and thinks too much and her heath deteriorate due to the over-work at her young age. I feel bad for her at the same time I really do appreciate what she has done for us and the family. Without her sacrifices, I am unsure who I am today or how the family relationship will be.

Today, she can be quite 'weird'/random, and kiddish (?), the act that is regarded as inappropriate for her age in the eye of society/public. But this is her way in revitalising herself as an adorable, young mum :). I can feel the inner child beneath her, as an adult mature mum, which such identify has been structured throughout her life experience and the rough reality. I am glad that she can relax more now, and regain her young self.

I used to tell her that I dont wish to grow up, because being an adult means forgoing lots of fun and my true self as we are wary about how people perceive us and what people expect from us. This is life. Is always easy advice people to ignore others, yet hard to do so. Somehow I can foresee that I will be like her in the next 20 years.

She has such high tolerance (to me) more than anyone else. I know I shouldn't and I can feel my guilt, but at times, I just couldn't control my tone and voice. Immediately after that, I apologise to her... She is nag-gy, but whose mum doesnt nag :) Is just her way of showing she cares...

My mom is not a role mother either, but she definitely is a superwoman in my heart. Love ya~

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#10 Appreciation: Dad

In conjunction with Father's Day, I would like to dedicate my utmost appreciation, with loves and lots of hugs, to my dearest dad.

Do I have the greatest dad on Earth? Nah! He is not. He is not flawless, neither a perfect father nor an ideal husband. He is a baby boomer, stubborn, short and only listen to his friends' advice (not the family's). He is hard to communicate with, since he 'is always right', and he dislike me to touch him, ever since I entered secondary school. He always scold us when we did something wrong or being careless, but is always "OK, reasonable and understandable" when same things happened on him rather than us.

In spite of all these driving-the-family-nuts-attributes, he is still my beloved dad. He does not show his affection obviously but in his own way. He never spent more than RM50 on his apparels (unless forced to), yet he willing to spend much more than that on the family. He usually pick out all the things we love to eat from his plate to us and he himself will eat that dish that ended up with just plain noodles and some chives. To get an original cassette 11 years ago, cost a bomb and he say he dont allow us to waste such money (family condition is not that well back then). Over the weekends, I found that wish list item on my desk. He cares about our education and has been planning all the financials years ago and repeatedly tell us not to worry to much, although he start off the conversation with a worrying tone and constantly threaten us on currency and interest rate. He acted as if everything just fine when I am leaving but I heard from my aunt that he used to sigh about how quickly time passed and I have been away for couple of months.

I am thankful to have him as my dad, despite some of his characters are so annoying and irritating. This is my dad, the one who express his love in a hidden way.

Love ya dad!

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